A Poem 2 My Father

i don't even know where to begin
i was so lost i didnt even want to pick up my pen
but i'm a writer at heart so i done did it again
you ignited the spark that made me this great man
and i feel as though the embers fading
i know you're gone but i sit here waiting,
for you to come home,
not to the maker but to my arms
where we don't depart
i feel disbarred
from the rest of your journey and even your past life
no flash drives
meaning no way to remember 
you left this earth a couple days from september  
and left me feeling hopeless dealing with the weight of the pressure
the pressure of walking this path called life
i didnt mind being in the dark because you were my light 
but now
i don't know where to place my feet because the path dont shine 
i need a sign
letting me know there are better days
if you could respond you'd be saying i better pray
but what i haven't told you before
was i tried talking to god 
and i felt like his connection to me was just a phase 
like i sent him a message and the request decayed
because just like me talking to you now,
i’ll get no reply
i’ll admit there were times i thought about suicide
but i never could go through with it. 
i wanted my body to hang from a noose
it sad saying this out loud but i miss speaking with you
and you deserve the truth 
for if you were ever here to receive
i couldn't fall in to my grief 
because if i died it might encourage more dangling feet


i hate that you’ll never get to know if its a girl or a boy
you’ll live in my memory and i’ll miss hearing your voice
i wish you could stay with us but i know it wasnt your choice.
i have a video tiana took of when she said she was pregnant
the greatest gift to me now will be the present
i don't think there’ll be a moment where i ever forget it
your priceless reaction forever embedded
into my mind which 
without you is forever dreaded
if ever a man were to enter heaven 
it would be you and it'd be a split decision
i saw you have more conversations with god than even reverend 
why would i believe if even your life could end


i spent hours waiting for you to say its going to be okay
nothing could prepare me for when  you were carried away
i had dinner with you last night
and i lost you today
i'll never understand why god took you away


i'm desensitized 
not in the sense that i have no emotion,
but in the sense that i have pools of tears but i still cant fathom what really happened
and thinking happy thoughts leaves me saddened
finding the whole you gone 
i'm just a fragment


Rest Easy❤️

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